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The Three P’s of Suffering

when Life Conditions equal your Blueprint, then there will be happiness. 

 when Life Conditions are not equal to your Blueprint, then there will be unhappiness.

We also know that when we experience unhappiness, we have two real choices: change our Life Conditions, or change our Blueprint. But sometimes that sense of unhappiness becomes so internalized that it feels like there’s nothing you can do to change anything. That’s when unhappiness reaches a peak and turns into suffering.


Psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D., defined suffering as a form of learned helplessness. When you feel helpless—especially if you don’t normally think of yourself as a helpless person—that feeling intensifies the suffering. The truth is there are no victims—there are only volunteers. However, the feeling of suffering comes from three aspects:

1. You think the problem is permanent. No problem is permanent. No matter how big the problem is, no matter how intense it seems, it’s going to have an end. It may not end when you want, and it may not end the way you expected, but it will end. We do not always have control over life conditions, but the illusion that we can control everything except meaning is what makes us suffer.

2. You think the problem is pervasive. “Because this relationship is messed up, my whole life is messed up. Because my finances are in ruin, everything is over.” No problem is pervasive. It just looks that way because you keep saying it’s pervasive. Whatever the problem is, it doesn’t have to affect everything. As long as you are alive, the problem is not permanent. Again, we go back to meaning. 

3. You think the problem is personal. “It’s something wrong with me. There’s a character defect in me. It’s just the way I am.” When you think it’s the way you are, you are not going to change it because you don’t think you can. It’s an identity issue.

No problem is permanent. No problem is pervasive. No problem is personal. It’s just a matter of shifting your Blueprint. A Blueprint can change. Everyone has had some beliefs years ago that they would have fought for, which in hindsight would be almost an embarrassment to admit today.  

Blueprints change all the time, and you can accelerate that change and eliminate suffering by getting clear about where your Blueprint is strong, where it’s the essence of who you are versus something that you’ve practiced and adapted, where it’s meeting your needs and where it’s not. You can make empowering choices, change the conditions or change your Blueprint—so you are no longer controlled by something that you were previously unaware of.

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