The Three Forces That Control Your Destiny

 We judge whether or not we’re being punished or rewarded by life’s events based on our needs, beliefs and habitual emotions. The mind has to decipher: Is this the end or is this the beginning? Should I be angry about this situation, or should I be excited?

Unlocking the three forces that are moving you through life unconsciously, and redirecting these influences consciously, could change your life dramatically, eliminate pain, avoid unnecessary difficulties and give you more joy than you can imagine.

1. The Driving Force: The 6 Human Needs

Although we all have different Blueprints, different beliefs about different things, and can respond with different emotions to the same event, one thing we have in common is that we all have the same 6 Human Needs.

To review briefly from Personal Power, the 6 Human Needs are:

1. Certainty: to be comfortable, avoid pain and have some level of consistency. 

2. Uncertainty: we need variety and change to feel alive. 

3. Significance: the need to feel unique, special and important. 

4. Love and Connection: to give and receive affection and support from others. 

5. Growth: to become more, break through stagnation. We either grow or die. 

6. Contribution: to give beyond ourselves. 

Although every single person has the same 6 Human Needs, not everybody places the same importance on the same needs. If you put more emphasis on certainty, you’re going to look at life completely differently than if you think the center of life is contribution.

Focusing more on any of the 6 Human Needs than the others is neither right nor wrong, but that focus will either create different opportunities and different problems, depending on where you are in your current Life Conditions. If you emphasize significance, giving it priority in your Blueprint may cause a conflict in the area of love and connection.

Additionally, the greater the difference is between your Life Conditions and your Blueprint, the greater the difference will be in your pleasure or satisfaction with the areas that you value most.  

If you can pinpoint which needs you value most in practice—that is, which needs you strive to fulfill operationally in your everyday actions—and the needs you truly value most but may not consciously strive for, you can then close the gap and match your Blueprint with your Life Conditions.

2. The Guiding Force: Map of Meaning and Action 

Think of your belief system like a map. Your beliefs tell you how you get from where you are to where you want to be. Or you might think there’s a rule that says, “I’ve got to create the kind of relationship where there is always unconditional love,” or “I have to be aggressive, funny, giving,” etc.

We have a map or rulebook in our unconscious mind that guides us in how to meet our needs and hit our targets. This becomes the way we think we need to be in order to get what we want. 

If one of your top two needs is love, learning to value another need more doesn’t mean that you don’t want love, or shouldn’t want it. But if your focus is, How can I GIVE love (which can meet the needs for significance, growth or contribution) instead of How do I GET love, you literally change the direction and, ultimately, the destination of your relationship or your life. 

3. The Fuel of Choice: Habitual Emotions

Whatever it is you say you really want, whether you really get there or not is all going to come down to the habit of emotion you get into most. If your habit of emotion is frustration, feeling like a failure or feeling like you’re not enough, that’s what you’ll unconsciously act out. However, if the habit of emotion you have is one of passion, determination, courage or playfulness, you’ve got a chance of getting the results you want.

Have you ever known someone who always finds a way to get upset or somebody who’s not really funny—but they think they are—and you find yourself laughing anyway because they’re having such a good time laughing at their own joke?

There’s a center of gravity emotionally that you come back to on a regular basis—in your relationship, in your career or with your kids or partner. You can make a billion dollars, but if the primary emotion that you feel all day long is frustration, boredom or fear, your life will be one of frustration, boredom and fear. The emotions we live with day to day control the quality of our life more than anything else.