A Cooler tries to fight his dark side and loses.
A Closer acknowledges his dark side but isn’t able to control it.
A Cleaner harnesses his dark side into raw, controlled power.
But if you want to climb out of your rut and get up to the next level, you have to leave your baggage behind. It’s Superman shedding “mild-mannered” Clark Kent’s suit and glasses, the Incredible Hulk going green, Batman putting on the cape, the Wolf-man howling at the moon. It’s the ability to voluntarily or involuntarily drop all the bullshit and inhibitions and allow yourself to just do what you do, the way you want to do it, performing instinctively at the most extraordinary level. No fear, no limitation. Just action and results.
Remember where we started the discussion on instinct? Born bad, taught to be good? Welcome to your dark side.
Which you can’t, because no one really changes.
You can try, you can make promises, you can seek help and read books and learn ways to suppress your basic nature, but the real person inside you stays the same. It has to. That’s who you are. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just your natural, untamed instinct telling you what it wants, and driving you to get it. Sex, money, fame, power, success . . . whatever you crave.
And before you try to tell me you don’t have a dark side, let me promise you, everyone has a dark side.
In your head, right now, think about the things you don’t want anyone to know about you. It’s okay, no one will know. The secrets you keep, the maneuvers that have helped you along the way, your desires, your greed, your ego . . . the lust you feel for things you’re not supposed to have.
That’s your dark side. You need it. Because if you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s the essential link to getting into the Zone, and achieving what you want.
Fact: I’ve known a lot of very successful, highly driven individuals, and without exception every single one has a dark side. Their dominance and ability to go off the charts are all driven by something deep and intense; it fuels and sustains them.
it’s something different in every person, but it’s all about going to that side of yourself that no one else can see. Getting rid of the safety net and judgmental opinions that hold most people back. Letting go.
being conventional is for those content to be ordinary, and ordinary isn’t going to take you to the top.
No challenge too great, too intimidating, too dangerous, because you have zero fear of failing. Zero. The satisfaction doesn’t come from the risk, it comes from mastering it. I own this.
The more you take on, the more powerful you feel. You don’t get to be the best at anything without blistering confidence and an impenetrable shell. You get there by taking huge risks that others won’t take, because you rely on your instincts to know which risks aren’t risks at all. When you’re standing at the edge of the Zone, it’s your dark side that drives its seductive finger into your back and whispers, “Go.”
The dark side is your fuel, your energy. It excites you, keeps you on the edge, recharges you, fills your tank. It’s your one escape, the only thing that takes your mind somewhere else and allows you to blow off steam for a brief time. For some it’s sex, especially sex with someone they’re not supposed to be with. For others it might be exercise or drinking or golf. It can be an obsessive need to work or gamble or spend a lot of money.
Anything that creates a private challenge and tests you to control it before it controls you. It’s an addiction as powerful as your addiction to success.
The dark side doesn’t have to be sick or evil or criminal; you can be a good person and still have this one part of you that remains untamed.
Think about your classic superheroes—Spider-Man, Superman, Batman—they all fought for good, but lived dark lives. The darkness is simply the part of you that doesn’t see the light of day, it’s all internal until you act on it, and you only act on it in private or with others you trust to keep your secret. I’m talking about those basic instincts and behaviors that are so personal that you’re the only one who really knows what’s there. From the earliest age, you were taught those things were bad—don’t touch, don’t look, don’t say that—so you stuffed them away and learned you shouldn’t want them, couldn’t have them. But instead, you just craved them more, until you got frustrated with hiding who you really were, admitted the truth to yourself, and finally did what you had always wanted to do.
Staying safe means being limited, and you can’t be limited if you’re going to be relentless.
Any time you’ve had an internal struggle over what you want versus what you know is “right” . . . that’s your dark side you’re wrestling with. And you can wrestle for a while, but you never win, because the dark side can’t be pinned. You can try to control it or contain it, but you can’t keep it down. It’s always going to get back up and continue fighting to control you instead.
A Cleaner controls his urges, not the other way around. The dark side isn’t about taking stupid risks and getting in trouble; that would show weakness. You can feel your desires and act on them, or not act on them; your self-control is what distinguishes you from everyone else. You can walk away or hold back whenever you choose. You reach for the bottle because you want a drink, not because you need one.
being relentless is a hunger that never subsides. As soon as a Cleaner achieves success, and the adrenaline rush recedes, he needs more and he gets it. The high of getting that result is so great, it’s just too hard to come back to earth. He needs to devour it, over and over, always craving that taste of total and complete satisfaction.
But what happens when that satisfaction can only be achieved infrequently? In sports, you can only win that championship once a year. All that competition, hard work, sacrifice . . . for one shot in an entire year. That’s it. Once. If you don’t win, it’s another whole year. And maybe another. If you’re so intensely wired to attack and win, you can’t just turn that on and off, it’s who you are, it defines you. Never exhaling. Never satisfied. We’re talking about day after day, year after year, getting on top and staying there. Being the best and still wanting to improve. Not just thinking about success, but striving to prove it, prove it, prove it. No days off. What are you going to do instead to satisfy that craving?
A Cleaner has to conquer something else, he’s too hungry to wait. Something he can dominate and control, something that keeps him sharp and competitive, so he can keep moving on to his next conquest. So he tries something else, something he can do in solitude to fill that void and satisfy that insatiable competitive urge he can’t get any other way, something that allows him to remain in the Zone as a predator, a relentless mastermind with killer instinct.
The ability to show up at the gym every day and do what no one else is willing to do, that comes from the dark side. The drive to get to the top and stay up there, year after year? Dark side. A Cleaner with a strong dark side can succeed at whatever he chooses, and his path is usually determined at an early age, by his family or environment or culture. One way or another, he’s going to be the best at something. A positive impact on his life might channel him toward business or athletics; a negative impact might direct him into a life of crime. Really, is there that big a difference between the instincts of a powerful businessman and a powerful crime boss and a powerful athlete? They’re all “killers” in their field, driven to be the best, diabolical in their strategy for reeling in and crushing the competition, equally relentless in their desire to win at all costs, and none of their victims sees them coming until it’s too late. They’re not necessarily killing with guns, they’re killing with skill and craft and mental weaponry. They’re all brilliant at what they do. And they all share the same objective: Attack, control, win. Anything to get the end result.
And then they do it all again. And again.
Cleaners go home to detach from the dark side; it’s the built-in safety valve. That’s why so many men fight to stay in their marriages even after they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing: home is the only safe place they know. Home surrounds you with comfort and security; the force of the dark side comes from somewhere else. You go home to feel safe and loved, you go out to feel excitement. Home is for calm and warmth, out there is for heat. You may not want to admit it, but you can’t deny it. The fire in your gut comes from the dark side, and the dark side has no place at the family dinner table.
The dark side has nothing to do with what’s happening at home; people try to blame it on that, but they know that’s an excuse. It’s about how they feel on the inside, and no one—at home or elsewhere—can change that. It’s who they are.
the dark side does: it shuts down the laws of right and wrong and allows you to discover what you’re really made of, what you’re capable of doing.
Cleaner Law: control your dark side, don’t let it control you. Do you want to smoke or do you have to smoke? All that nightlife—do you know when it’s time to head home, or is it crushing your game? Do you drink because you like it or because you need it to cope with the pressure you feel? Can you be decent at what you do with an alcohol problem? Probably. But you can’t be great. Cleaners never perform under the influence of anything; they place too much value on their mental state to allow anything to affect their minds and instincts and reflexes. Who’s in charge, you or your dark side?
A Cleaner doesn’t want to give up the thing you disapprove of. To him, it’s not a weakness, it’s his strength, his choice. Weakness would mean giving up what he craved because he was afraid of getting caught.
A Closer acknowledges his dark side but isn’t able to control it.
A Cleaner harnesses his dark side into raw, controlled power.
But if you want to climb out of your rut and get up to the next level, you have to leave your baggage behind. It’s Superman shedding “mild-mannered” Clark Kent’s suit and glasses, the Incredible Hulk going green, Batman putting on the cape, the Wolf-man howling at the moon. It’s the ability to voluntarily or involuntarily drop all the bullshit and inhibitions and allow yourself to just do what you do, the way you want to do it, performing instinctively at the most extraordinary level. No fear, no limitation. Just action and results.
Remember where we started the discussion on instinct? Born bad, taught to be good? Welcome to your dark side.
Which you can’t, because no one really changes.
You can try, you can make promises, you can seek help and read books and learn ways to suppress your basic nature, but the real person inside you stays the same. It has to. That’s who you are. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just your natural, untamed instinct telling you what it wants, and driving you to get it. Sex, money, fame, power, success . . . whatever you crave.
And before you try to tell me you don’t have a dark side, let me promise you, everyone has a dark side.
In your head, right now, think about the things you don’t want anyone to know about you. It’s okay, no one will know. The secrets you keep, the maneuvers that have helped you along the way, your desires, your greed, your ego . . . the lust you feel for things you’re not supposed to have.
That’s your dark side. You need it. Because if you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s the essential link to getting into the Zone, and achieving what you want.
Fact: I’ve known a lot of very successful, highly driven individuals, and without exception every single one has a dark side. Their dominance and ability to go off the charts are all driven by something deep and intense; it fuels and sustains them.
it’s something different in every person, but it’s all about going to that side of yourself that no one else can see. Getting rid of the safety net and judgmental opinions that hold most people back. Letting go.
being conventional is for those content to be ordinary, and ordinary isn’t going to take you to the top.
No challenge too great, too intimidating, too dangerous, because you have zero fear of failing. Zero. The satisfaction doesn’t come from the risk, it comes from mastering it. I own this.
The more you take on, the more powerful you feel. You don’t get to be the best at anything without blistering confidence and an impenetrable shell. You get there by taking huge risks that others won’t take, because you rely on your instincts to know which risks aren’t risks at all. When you’re standing at the edge of the Zone, it’s your dark side that drives its seductive finger into your back and whispers, “Go.”
The dark side is your fuel, your energy. It excites you, keeps you on the edge, recharges you, fills your tank. It’s your one escape, the only thing that takes your mind somewhere else and allows you to blow off steam for a brief time. For some it’s sex, especially sex with someone they’re not supposed to be with. For others it might be exercise or drinking or golf. It can be an obsessive need to work or gamble or spend a lot of money.
Anything that creates a private challenge and tests you to control it before it controls you. It’s an addiction as powerful as your addiction to success.
The dark side doesn’t have to be sick or evil or criminal; you can be a good person and still have this one part of you that remains untamed.
Think about your classic superheroes—Spider-Man, Superman, Batman—they all fought for good, but lived dark lives. The darkness is simply the part of you that doesn’t see the light of day, it’s all internal until you act on it, and you only act on it in private or with others you trust to keep your secret. I’m talking about those basic instincts and behaviors that are so personal that you’re the only one who really knows what’s there. From the earliest age, you were taught those things were bad—don’t touch, don’t look, don’t say that—so you stuffed them away and learned you shouldn’t want them, couldn’t have them. But instead, you just craved them more, until you got frustrated with hiding who you really were, admitted the truth to yourself, and finally did what you had always wanted to do.
Staying safe means being limited, and you can’t be limited if you’re going to be relentless.
Any time you’ve had an internal struggle over what you want versus what you know is “right” . . . that’s your dark side you’re wrestling with. And you can wrestle for a while, but you never win, because the dark side can’t be pinned. You can try to control it or contain it, but you can’t keep it down. It’s always going to get back up and continue fighting to control you instead.
A Cleaner controls his urges, not the other way around. The dark side isn’t about taking stupid risks and getting in trouble; that would show weakness. You can feel your desires and act on them, or not act on them; your self-control is what distinguishes you from everyone else. You can walk away or hold back whenever you choose. You reach for the bottle because you want a drink, not because you need one.
being relentless is a hunger that never subsides. As soon as a Cleaner achieves success, and the adrenaline rush recedes, he needs more and he gets it. The high of getting that result is so great, it’s just too hard to come back to earth. He needs to devour it, over and over, always craving that taste of total and complete satisfaction.
But what happens when that satisfaction can only be achieved infrequently? In sports, you can only win that championship once a year. All that competition, hard work, sacrifice . . . for one shot in an entire year. That’s it. Once. If you don’t win, it’s another whole year. And maybe another. If you’re so intensely wired to attack and win, you can’t just turn that on and off, it’s who you are, it defines you. Never exhaling. Never satisfied. We’re talking about day after day, year after year, getting on top and staying there. Being the best and still wanting to improve. Not just thinking about success, but striving to prove it, prove it, prove it. No days off. What are you going to do instead to satisfy that craving?
A Cleaner has to conquer something else, he’s too hungry to wait. Something he can dominate and control, something that keeps him sharp and competitive, so he can keep moving on to his next conquest. So he tries something else, something he can do in solitude to fill that void and satisfy that insatiable competitive urge he can’t get any other way, something that allows him to remain in the Zone as a predator, a relentless mastermind with killer instinct.
The ability to show up at the gym every day and do what no one else is willing to do, that comes from the dark side. The drive to get to the top and stay up there, year after year? Dark side. A Cleaner with a strong dark side can succeed at whatever he chooses, and his path is usually determined at an early age, by his family or environment or culture. One way or another, he’s going to be the best at something. A positive impact on his life might channel him toward business or athletics; a negative impact might direct him into a life of crime. Really, is there that big a difference between the instincts of a powerful businessman and a powerful crime boss and a powerful athlete? They’re all “killers” in their field, driven to be the best, diabolical in their strategy for reeling in and crushing the competition, equally relentless in their desire to win at all costs, and none of their victims sees them coming until it’s too late. They’re not necessarily killing with guns, they’re killing with skill and craft and mental weaponry. They’re all brilliant at what they do. And they all share the same objective: Attack, control, win. Anything to get the end result.
And then they do it all again. And again.
Cleaners go home to detach from the dark side; it’s the built-in safety valve. That’s why so many men fight to stay in their marriages even after they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing: home is the only safe place they know. Home surrounds you with comfort and security; the force of the dark side comes from somewhere else. You go home to feel safe and loved, you go out to feel excitement. Home is for calm and warmth, out there is for heat. You may not want to admit it, but you can’t deny it. The fire in your gut comes from the dark side, and the dark side has no place at the family dinner table.
The dark side has nothing to do with what’s happening at home; people try to blame it on that, but they know that’s an excuse. It’s about how they feel on the inside, and no one—at home or elsewhere—can change that. It’s who they are.
the dark side does: it shuts down the laws of right and wrong and allows you to discover what you’re really made of, what you’re capable of doing.
Cleaner Law: control your dark side, don’t let it control you. Do you want to smoke or do you have to smoke? All that nightlife—do you know when it’s time to head home, or is it crushing your game? Do you drink because you like it or because you need it to cope with the pressure you feel? Can you be decent at what you do with an alcohol problem? Probably. But you can’t be great. Cleaners never perform under the influence of anything; they place too much value on their mental state to allow anything to affect their minds and instincts and reflexes. Who’s in charge, you or your dark side?
A Cleaner doesn’t want to give up the thing you disapprove of. To him, it’s not a weakness, it’s his strength, his choice. Weakness would mean giving up what he craved because he was afraid of getting caught.
Comments
Post a Comment